Misunderstandings

Sometimes, speaking to children is difficult.

Recently, I told a child, “Cool man!” He was doing something I considered extraordinary for a child to do.

He said, “No! I’m not cold!”

Huh?

I laughed as I responded, “Okay, you go, bro!”

“No! I’m not going! I’m staying right here!”, he yelled.

I meant to be friendly, but he didn’t understand. He thought I was telling him to leave the room. He believed I was telling him to go away. He thought the word “cool” only meant cold. It does; however, he didn’t realize that it means something else, too. The way I was using it, it means “neat” or “that’s impressive.”

It’s an easy misunderstanding. I was able to laugh about it. And I did, for quite some time.

Then I thought about how many people I might misunderstand. They might never try to correct me. They go about living their lives. And I go on, never fully understanding what they meant to say.

That’s sad. I know how it feels to be fully known and understood. I know what it feels like to be misunderstood.

Several months ago, I encountered someone who misunderstood almost everything I said. I kept having to explain myself. It was a tiring, albeit eventually, fruitful conversation.

I know what it takes to stop and take the time to sort out misunderstandings. Sorting out some things will take patience and kindness. But no matter how careful we are or how badly we want to be persons of understanding, there will be times when we won’t be.

That’s when we have to be gracious. I might not have understood, and I may have taken something wrong, but if I don’t want to take the time to sort it out, I will have to be resigned to the fact that the person who spoke didn’t speak with malice.

There will be times when the malice will be evident, and there is no mistaking it. But I’m talking about a misunderstanding. Nothing was harmful, and nothing was spoken with ill will. Two people who were coming from different galaxies didn’t connect.

And that is okay.

One way to never misunderstand someone again is to quit talking. Or quit hearing. Or become a hermit.

These are unlikely to happen. Although…no, never mind.

Ceasing to talk or hear might increase our misunderstanding or increase other people to misunderstand us. That wouldn’t solve anything.

What would increase our understanding is to stop and listen. Make a real concentrated effort to see where someone else is coming from. I’ve heard about duels between historical figures, and I’ve often wondered what would have happened if they tried to understand each other. Maybe more people could have lived longer.

How many lies have been told because someone misunderstood? Okay, maybe they didn’t know they were lying, but they weren’t telling the truth by default.

They would’ve sworn they were speaking the truth. That’s why it’s better not to talk about things until you’ve heard them more than once from the horse’s mouth. Just don’t. Even if you know what you’re talking about, how about not saying anything.

I desperately want to be someone who isn’t abrasive. When someone talks about my family, either from a misunderstanding or with the intent of gossiping and desiring to be hurtful, I want to have mercy and forgiveness.

Honestly, I would want the truth to be known. And I would work toward that end. But if the truth isn’t revealed and there is no resolution, I want to be living my life in such a way that people would know it was a lie.

If I’m honest, I would want the truth to be known. But if it isn’t and there’s no resolution, I want to be living my life in such a way that people would know it was a lie.

Anyway, back to the misunderstanding.

It always pays to take the time to search out the truth. I know there is a tone of voice, body language, and a gut feeling we have. But we can be wrong.

Instead of drumming up a hurt feeling or two, seek to understand. And if you can’t understand, don’t let it infiltrate your mind with dread and worry. It simply isn’t going to help.

Give it over to Someone Who knows how to handle it. He’s good at what He does.

One last thing. About that sentence above. He never misunderstands.

Someone wrote a song that says He understands my tears. I believe it. Tears are a language only God understands.

He knows when your heart has been broken. He knows when the bills are coming due. He knows when you’ve reached your wit’s end.

Sometimes we don’t have the words. And when we can’t speak, He still understands.

Let it go. Give it to Him.

You go, bro.
– Caleb