The Furniture

As adults, our priorities changed. Goals aren’t the same as they used to be.

My wife and I have a strong desire to one day acquire furniture that matches perfectly.

As in the same color, brand, and the same age.

And I’d like to get some new pieces that don’t attract as much gravity.

Right now, we have a conglomeration of styles and colors. And they’re getting a tad worn out.

We have a burgundy La-Z-Boy recliner that was my grandmother’s for twenty years before we got it. Lately, I’ve noticed the seat portion doesn’t recover as quickly after I get up. I think it might be gravity’s fault. There seems to be extra gravity in our living room.
Hmm, interesting.
It’s a great chair, though. We’ve had it for a couple of years now.

That says something about a La-Z-Boy. They last. Grandpa had one from the late 70s that he gave to me about ten years ago. I slept in it until it broke in half. The gravitational pull on Earth had been a little stronger than normal that year. Or maybe I had put on a few pounds.

We have an undeterminable brand of recliner, which I think is leather, that someone gave us for free. It’s probably ten years old by now. We can have it for no telling how long if gravity doesn’t get to it.

We bought one of those wooden gliders with the tie-on cushions for about $70 plus tax around five years ago. I was sitting in it back in October, rocking to my apparently not-so-little heart’s content, when it popped like a speeding spacecraft reentering Earth’s atmosphere. I might’ve gained a few pounds since we bought it. Or, you know, gravity.

A few years ago, gravity got to a poor little plastic chair at the exact same time as I did. That hurt like the dickens. It’s best that you don’t sit on broken shards of plastic if you can help it. I couldn’t. Gravity broke it after I had already committed to the act of sitting.

Our couch might be considered a period piece from the mid-2000s. It has brown fabric, fancy wooden legs, and the softness of a newborn baby’s skin. I love this couch.

When you lay on this couch, the cushions envelop you.

A few years ago, a friend of my wife’s was not feeling well one afternoon. She needed a dark, comfortable, quiet place to lie down. We weren’t home, so we told her she could utilize our sofa. She said she fell asleep within minutes and slept great.

The truth is, we need a new couch. And I never thought I’d be so attached to a piece of furniture, but I am. We’ve had this sofa since we got married. It was used and was probably over ten years old by the time we got it.

One of the problems is that sofas aren’t meant to be used for beds. They’re meant for sitting. And while ours is great for napping (remember I said it envelops you), it’s not so great for sitting anymore.

Nobody wants a couch to sink in and envelop them when they sit down. The more it cushions your “sitting area” and sinks into it, the closer to the ground you get. And the harder it is to get up.

Dumb gravity.

And the more gravity there is, the greater influence it has on those lush cushions. We need to get a couch that attracts less gravity…when I sit on it, it touches the floor.

Okay, fine. I know, I know. I’m “big enough” to admit it.
I am the reason we need a new living room set.

According to our furniture, I need to get a personal trainer.

But I’ll probably opt for more heavy-duty furniture next time.

to the furniture praying to God that I don’t sit on it,
– Caleb