Children are wonderful.
That being said, they train you. Sometimes I feel like a superhero. I’ve leaped across the living room in a single bound to rescue my own flesh and blood.
And there are times they have already started doing something, and all you can do is thank God that you’re still sane.
When you catch your children sucking on the nozzle of a hairspray can, that trains you to react suddenly.
Or when you walk around the corner to the kitchen and one is on the countertop eating the salt out of the shaker.
Or when one grabs the brand-new bottle of cinnamon and shakes it all over the kitchen, leaving a telltale trace of a tiny footprint.
Or when they’re in the garage with you, you turn your back for .0000001 seconds, and you turn back around to see the nozzle on the RoundUp in his hand, nearing his mouth.
Not to mention the hundreds of thousands of things I’ve redacted.
There have been two times recently when I saw a child doing something out of my peripheral vision, and I got halfway out of my seat and raised my voice to full dad mode to say, “Hey, cut that out!”
Only to realize it wasn’t my child. And they weren’t doing what I thought they were doing. My peripheral lied to me.
So I got halfway out of my seat and said, “Hey!”Then quickly looked away. “Uhhh. Boy, howdy.” Then I stood all the way up and started stretching. “Ahh. Oohh. My goodness. Shoo wee! Wheeeew. Wow, I needed that stretch.”
So, needless to say, I make sure I don’t go to the library during story time anymore.
to those who survived,
– Caleb
caneymountainblog.com 