Failing Forward

Currently, I’m writing in the vicinity of 10,000 words a week. Slightly more, but we’ll round down.

I don’t know if you will understand this, but I like to think. Thinking is my favorite pastime.

“Caleb!”

“Huh?”

“Can you not hear me?”

“Yeah, I can hear you just fine.”

“I said your name at least ten times before you answered.”

“Oh, I guess I didn’t hear you.”

“No kidding. What were you doing?”

“Oh, just thinking.”

You just witnessed a typical conversation I had while growing up.

I like to play out scenarios in my mind. I try to come up with possible outcomes of situations and all the things that might happen during them. It can be tiring trying to figure that out.

I don’t worry about much, though. Thinking things through is fun. It’s enjoyable. It isn’t worry; it’s relaxation.

I used to think about things and wanted to write them down on paper, but it was so difficult for ten-year-old Caleb to do. I couldn’t get the words in my brain onto the paper underneath my pen.

It was hard to articulate my feelings. The words on the paper would read like a two-year-old learning to talk. Hardly discernable.

I’d crumple the paper up into as tight a wad as a little boy could make. Toss it across the room. Start over. Fail several more times. Then I’d finally be pleased with what I wrote. I wish I’d kept those.
I’d probably have a good long laugh.

Currently, I have thousands of notes on my phone, computer, and in notebooks. Nowadays, I don’t have any issues with transcribing my thoughts onto paper, digital or physical. However, I’ve probably deleted more of them than I keep. Sometimes I just have dumb ideas.

Okay. Most of the time.

One of these days, though, maybe I’ll put them all in a book for the entire world to read. Dumb or not.

But until then, I’ll just post the trash heap of thoughts here for you. It helps me hone my lack of ability into something a notch above lackluster.

to those who fail slightly less than they used to,
– Caleb