The Pirate

Two years ago, we bought Son #1 a wooden sword from Laura Ingall’s Wilder store in Mansfield.

Yeah, I know. But give us a break. We were first-time parents with only one child at the time. We were young and dumb. Naive is another good description.

A black eye, sore nose, and a fat lip later, I decided to put the sword into hiding, almost like an early retirement from its duties. He never forgot about it, though.

Well, he found it recently. He can turn door knobs now.

That boy loves a good prop. He found it and instantly became a pirate. He waltzed into the living room and issued a formal proclamation. “I have found my sword!”

He held it high above his head and gazed upon it with squinted eyes. He acted like he had just found the Gem of the Orient. Jesus, be a fence.

“I am a pirate! And you,” he pointed the sword to his brother, “You are my matey!”

Son #2 didn’t know what his brother was talking about. But he could feel a shift in the atmosphere and looked at me as if to ask, “Should I be scared?”

Son #1 took inventory of his mother and me. “And you two,” he frowned and furrowed his eyebrows, “You two will walk the plank.”

He pranced around the room, jumping, twirling, and swinging the sword. He laughed his most maniacal laugh.

The sight was so comical that Charity and I laughed, too.

“Hey!” he scowled. “You’re not supposed to laugh!” He pointed to himself, “Only I can laugh the pirate laugh!” Then he let loose his best hardy-har-har.

He’s grown up a lot in two years, so we let him keep it to play with.

It would seem that we still haven’t learned our lesson. Soon, Son #2 was crying. He had received a swash-buckling right in the upper lip.

The claim was that it was unintentional. And we believed it. After a good talking-to, we gave the sword back.

It seems that the sword has power. It can cause immediate amnesia and swing Son #1’s arms on its own. Upon receiving the prized tool of his pirate occupation, his arm swung wildly.

After almost knocking Mom and Son #3 in their prospective heads, the sword was immediately confiscated, deactivated, and given an additional retirement reprieve.

The only way he can learn to handle it – is to handle it. But for the time being, and to spare his brother’s sanity, we will suspend all swashbuckling and pirate activity inside the house.

Or we could buy Son # 2 a sword and let them go at it.

to the boys,
– Caleb