Small-town Christmas parades.
This is the best time to go shopping at the big concrete block superstore.
This is also the best time to commit armed robbery at the furthest point in town from West Main Street.
The crowds at small-town Christmas parades are not comparable to attending a large concert in a major U.S. city. They are worse.
We attended a concert in a large city with thousands in attendance a few years ago. Within twenty minutes of leaving the stadium, we were home. Our home was twenty miles away. After the small-town Christmas parade, it took us thirty minutes to get to the store three miles away.
No, I am not complaining. I am stating the facts while attempting to be humorous, although the humor, I will admit, is poor.
The leader of the parade is the local police force. They are also the ones who bring up the rear. They are the bookends of the small-town Christmas parade. The reason is that sometimes, at these parades, the tractor operators get out of hand. Sometimes, they can’t keep from plowing any nearby plot of grass. And that kind of behavior is unacceptable no matter who you are.
Other reasons include needing to ensure that none of the 97% evangelical crowd gets out of hand and attempts to do a drive-by Bible-thumping, which I can guarantee someone thought of during the hour-long parade. Not me, though.
Then, there were fire trucks. There were no fires at this parade, but apparently, someone needed to get out of their way because they kept blasting their horns, which sounded like a pod of humpback whales getting stampeded by a herd of angry elephants, which is, as you can imagine, quite pleasant to the ears.
Okay, ya’ll. I’m kidding — more about small-town Christmas parades later.
to the curmudgeons,
– Caleb
caneymountainblog.com 