I Didn’t Know (The Last Time)

I didn’t know the last time I talked to them would be the last time.

I didn’t know the last time we said goodbye
Was the time to hug them tight

I didn’t know that I should stay or that I shouldn’t walk away in anger
I didn’t know that they were facing an insurmountable danger.

I didn’t know they felt like they were facing life alone
Or that they would end their lives because their lives had grown so cold

I left them to their own devices, God forbid, but I did
I know I didn’t know, but I wish it wasn’t so.

I didn’t know that their heart couldn’t bear another ache
I didn’t know, but I wish I did for goodness sake.

I didn’t know that God would choose to take them home to Heaven
Or that it would be so soon, so much sooner than I expected

That last time was the last time I would hold their feeble hand
That last time was the last time, but it wasn’t planned.

The last time was the last time, and it slipped by without a trace
The last time was the last time I would ever see their face

Had I known, my hands might still be clinging
Had I known, my arms might still be reaching

Had I known, my love might not have wandered
Had I known, I never would have squandered
All the precious moments that there are in living
And would never have withheld the acts of mercy and forgiving

Had I known their grip on life was slowly waning
Had I known the life within was swiftly draining

I would’ve stayed. I would’ve loved without condition.
I would not have cared so much about my money or position.

And now that I know, now that I see
The future is looking different for me

Because I will love and live and have joy like there is no tomorrow
I will do all I can so I’m never overtaken by life’s sorrow

I will celebrate the days and weeks and months and years
I will cling to all the joys and cast out all the fears.

I may not know the next last time, but because I changed my way of living,
and started singing a brand new song
You can be sure that the next last time will not find me grieving
Like I have for far too long

I will hold the fragility of each moment within my temporal grasp
So when their time comes, I won’t have to grieve the last.